Anxiety disorder ruining life.?

It seems like you really are focusing on all the things 'negative' in your life. I mean thats where you should start start thinking about whats good in your life. You're a bright person, you have friends that care about you, your family care about you. You may not think this is true but i don't even know you and from what you wrote I can tell that they do. You've said that you;ve tried everything thing to help you but have you tried helping yourself? By that i mean literally changing your way of thinking. anyone could be sad all the time if they listed and concentrated only on the negatives in their lives. I could give you a list of all the bad things I have been through but I believe ther is no point in doing that. everyone has their downfalls and it seems that you are struggling to bring yourself up again. Sometimes it's the simplest things that will cheer you up. Go for a tramp in the bush and see the beautiful landscape or lie out under the stars. Life is literally too short to have to live in a depressed way, especially when all it is that you are concentrating on is how things affect you, which is really selfish.. no offence but it is. Your grandfather is ill but you're making it about yourself. Why not spend as much time as you can with him and listen to his stories about his life. I ever used to give my grandparents the time of day but when I lost one i found out so many things about his life that i never knew. And I decided i wouldnt let that happen again with someone i cared about. As for your weight you are still tiny. Everyone battles with their weight, i used to complain about mine and then i decided f*** it I cant change. This is the body i have been given so I am going to use it and love it because no one else will until i do. Once you leave high school you begin to realise how easy it really was because everything else is so much harder. I am at university now and I went somewhere where none of my friends went. If i think about it i can have a really down day feeling completely alone and invisible but the thing is at the end of the day no one cares if I am sad.. Unless i ring up my mum and have a cry but instead i just pick myself up and steam on ahead because at the end of the day people can help you left right and centre but in the end you're the only one who can really pick yourself up. You said that you know you're going to lose your friends soon but that will only happen if you don't let them know whats happening .. it you let them go you will feel even more alone. Friends are the best for helping you cheer up. They might help you in more ways than you can imagine. Your dad thinks you hate him, perhaps you have given him that feeling. Talk to him and if you don't want to tell him to much just make sure he knows you love him. You obviously believe in god so you should believe that god will never give you anything that you can't handle. Sometimes when i feel down i think about all the people who are so much more unfortunate than me. and i quickly feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself and move on with my life. I hope things go okay for you.